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英语四级考试作文精彩点评(4)

2013-08-09 01:05 例4．（11分段）
    In 1 April 2003, one of my classmates was get serious cold. First day when he came to school, we found that his eyes were red and his sound was rough. The second day, his cold was too bad that he couldn't go to school.
    At that time, there was a serious ill called SARS in our country. It's just like badly cold and can infected others easily. But our classmates didn't go away from him. They seemed more close to him. Our classmates helped him to take back breakfast. Our teacher came to see him with his notes book. He helped him to study in order that he didn't drop behind my classmates' For he was my best friend, I just sat on his bed and do my best to comfort him.
    Althought there was SARS around us, but I felt very warm from this thing. It told me that the love from true heart can help come across any difficult. We are so lucky that we live in a big warmth family. And not very long, my classmate was getting healthy and could come to school again. How happy we were!   
  
东方教育点评：本文切题，表达思想清楚，文字比较连贯, 但有一些语法错误。
具体问题剖析：全文有一些语法、语言错误，如"In 1 April 2003, one of my classmates was get serious cold."应改为"In 1 April 2003,one of my classmates got serious cold."（时态）；"First day when he came to school,"应改为"The first day when he came to school,"（介词遗漏）；"his sound was rough."应改为"his voice was rough."（用词）；"Althought there was SARS around us, I felt very warm from this thing."应把but去掉（连词）； "It told me that the love from true heart can help come across any difficult."应改为"It told me that the love from true heart could help come across any difficulties."（时态、词性错误）；"We are so lucky that we live in a big warmth family."应改为"We are so lucky that we live in a big warm family."（词性）。

例5．（14分段） （转载自http://zw.NSEAC.com科教作文网）
    During the SARS period in this spring, the year of 2003, one of my classmates, Li ming, was struck down by the virus and was immediately sent to hospital.
    The news spread quickly on campus. At first, we were terrified and wondered if we were infected too. However, through our government's publicity on mass media, we gradually conquered the fear and set out to try out best to help her. Some teachers provided darly necessities while some students recorded the English class contents for him so that Li ming could not be left behind. With our care and concern, Li ming recovered quickly.
    Such an incident teaches us a good moral. Our society is full of love, warm and peaceful, in which people-from man to woman, from individual to individual-lend others a hand. Just like a famous song goes, "the world will turn itto heaven only if everyone contributes a little." and I do believe that it's my great honor to live in this love-filled paradise!
东方教育点评：本文切题，论证丰富生动，表达思想清楚，文字通顺，连贯性较好。基本上无大的语言错误，仅有个别小错误。

p.s. 由于一些例文错误较多，点评中只是列举了部分的典型错误，而且为了保持原文面貌，编辑没有做过多的改动，所以欢迎大家一起来挑错，有问题和小水一起讨论。