英语四级考试作文精彩点评(5)

2003年6月考试四级作文题：An Eye-Witness Account of a Traffic Accident
假设你在某日某时某地目击一起车祸，就此写一份见证书。
见证书须包括以下几点：
1、车祸发生的时间及地点；
2、你所见到的车祸情况；
3、你对车祸原因的分析。
例1． （2分段）
   
    At 9:00, Jan. 20, 2003, I eye-witness a traffic accident in Dongfang Street.
    I see that a（an） old people is hitted (hit)by a car.
    In my opinion, the rapid driver is the main reason, but the old people also has his error.
东方教育点评：（1）字数明显不够，尽管都点题了，但只有三句话。
（2）有语法错误。
例2．（5分段）
   
    In my opinion, the driver of Benz auto should be blamed on(for) the traffic accident. It was his drunk driving that resulted in this accident.
   
    It is not(no) doubt that the traffic accident is a high(hot) topic in the modern(modern) society, different people have different attitude (attitudes) to this.
   
    When it come(comes) to the accident, people think it responsible for the driver. But last Sunday I see(saw)  a(an) accident. A woman crossed a street when a car turn(turned at) the crossing .it is too late to stop the car ,The women was bad(badly) hurt. The people who was walking along the street took the woman to hospital, (and) the driver came with them.
   
    As far as （I am） concerned, the both sides have responsibility for this, begin（at the beginning）, the woman shouldnot cross the street. Forthemore, the driver should pay more attention. Last. we should take proper measure .Only (when) we take the measure and we （become） more careful can we have a colorful （life） tomorrow.
东方教育点评：(1)本文基本切题。
（2）但有的地方表达思想不清楚，层次不够清楚。如第二段把描述车祸情况和发生原因混为一谈，而最后一段的总结又很牵强。 （科教范文网 lw.nSeAc.com编辑发布）
（3）全文有比较多的语言错误，而且有些是严重的错误。
例3．（8分段）
    At 9:00am October 25st(25th) 2003, I saw a traffic accident on Daxue Road. At that time, I was on my way to school.
    When I turned right on the corner, a motorbike knocked into a small car. The motorbike was red, and there are(were) two persons on the motorbike. The car was yellow. The motorbike fell down, and the two persons on the motorbike were slight injured. The (car) driver came out of the car at once, and asked about the two persons. As soon as I saw that, I made a telephone call to 110.The traffic police arrived in a short time.
   
    According to what I saw, I thought there may be one reason leading to the accident. That was the motorbike kept too short （a） distant from the car. When the car slowed down, the motorbike couldn't slow down in time. So the accident took place.
东方教育点评：（1）基本切题。
（2）文字连贯性不强，尤其是第二段，缺少一些必要的衔接词。
（3）简单句太多，可以考虑把一些合并成复合句。
（4）有些地方人称指代不明（如司机），容易引起误解
（5）有一些基本的时态、语法错误。
例4．（11分段）
    Last Friday afternoon, when I was on my way home, a traffic accident took place at the crossing of Shanghai Road.
    A pupil was knocked down by a black car when he was walking across the street. His legs were badly hurt. Sever(Several) minutes later an ambulance came, and the driver of the black car sent the pupil to the hospital immediately.
    In my eyes, this accident was due to that the pupil broke the traffic rules. That is to say, the pupil walked across the street when the traffic lights were red. As soon as the driver saw the pupil, he stopped the car, however, it was too late. In my opinion, it was necessary to advocate people to confirm to the traffic rules. If the pupil hadn't broken the traffic rules, the accident might not have happened. （科教作文网http://zw.ΝsΕac.cOM编辑）
东方教育点评：(1)本文比较切题，表达思想清楚。
（2）语句比较通顺，但有少量语言错误。
例5．（14分段）
    My name is Liming. I am studying at college. A week ago I saw a traffic accident , which is still vivid in my mind.