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The Booming of Spring

2014-08-02 01:20

     Spring arrives at the school in such a hurry that it is beyond anyone's expectation. After some rather cool days, the tempera ture suddenly rises up, bringing a sudden burst of heat to the whole campus. Spring is coming!
     Trees, flowers, grass and people make up the whole scene on the campus.  Everyone wakes up and everything is robust.The whole campus is heaped with energy.
     Seeing through a thin layer of water vapor, I am surprised at what is gradually unfolded before my eyes. Look, the pear trees are covered with snow white flowers. Some other unknown flowers, pink and scarlet, give life to the brown branches of trees. The grassplots seem to have turned into emerald green overnight. Holding the tiny drops of water in the rain and rising happily towards the passer-by, the grass is showing a rather vivid feeling of spring. The booming trees along the road are trying to shake away old leaves and expecting new ones. Stepping on the fallen leaves, I am fascinated by the rhythm and the mystery of life cycle.
     People in spring are as active as the surroundings. The continual rain can not stop students from studying hard. Instead, it quickens their pace of life. The sound of raindrops overwhelms the chatting of students. Colorful umbrellas set artificial separations of people. An atmosphere of study embraces the school.The early sun is an industrious reveille, urging people to be actire and diligent. Students in spring are just like early birds searching for worms.  Libraries and classrooms are both nice places for study. There are crowds reading quietly in the libraries and people practicing English aloud in the corners of buildings. Astonished by so many hardworking people, I feel ashamed of wasting time wandering about.
     Spring is a season of energy and hope. The booming spring on the campus comes to show us a new leaf of life.

简  评
    本文描写了春天来临时，校园中一派生机勃勃的景象。文章的前半部分写景：有色彩斑斓的花朵，墨绿色的草地和茁壮生长的树木；后半部分写人：与自然界中的万物在春天生命力格外旺盛一样，莘莘学子也比其他任何时候都刻苦勤奋，整个校园中都呈现出浓浓的学习氛围。最后一段，作者总结全文：春天是精力旺盛和充满希望的季节。

（科教论文网 lw.NsEac.com编辑整理）

    本文存在以下不足之处：第四段中，作者的主旨是描写人，但又不时地提到环境，如The sound of raindrops overwhelms the chatting of students．Colorful umbrellas set artificial sevaratlons of people．等，与主题句People ln spring are asactive as the surroundings无关，破坏了整个段落的统一性(unity)。在英语写作中，一个段落表达一个主题，所有的支持句(supporting sentences)都要围绕主题句展开。此外，最后一句a new leaf of life明显是中式英语，可改为ushers us to a new stage of life。
    (点评教师：黄莺)