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Wish You were Here

2014-04-27 01:08 There were teabags all over the table锛嶪 didn't have anything else that would have done the job锛嶪 don't wear hats锛嶰n the back of our wedding photo I had listed the names of places all around England and the world锛嶦dinburgh, New York, Brighton锛嶱aris, Sydney, London and many others锛嶵aking a pair of nail scissors, I had cut up all of the names into tiny pieces until there were more than 20 slivers of our wedding day in front of me锛嶪 scraped all of them off the table and into the empty teabag box锛嶪 shock the box about a bit and closed my eyes锛嶏紞don't ask me why锛嶏紞and picked out a sharp slice of photo锛嶪 looked at the picture side first锛嶢 bit of white puffy meringue wedding dress was evident, but nothing else锛嶪'm surprised there was room in any of the pictures for Neil锛?

銆銆 I put the photo segment on the table, wedding dress up, grabbed one of the teabags from the pile and made myself a cup of tea锛嶪 didn't have to rush into revealing the place name锛嶪 had all day锛嶢fter my cup of tea I had a slice of toast, burnt, just how I like it, with jam锛嶴till the sliver lay on the table, next to the teabags锛嶪 finished my toast and brushed the crumbs from my sweatshirt onto the floor锛嶪'd vacuum before I left in the morn ing锛嶪 stood up, then sat down, then stood up again and walked over to the near锛峞mpty wardrobe, just to check I hadn't forgotten anything锛?/P>

銆銆 I decided then to throw out all of the pieces of wedding photo that had not been lucky enough to be selected on this occasion锛嶪 took the teabag box to the bin and emptied the contents into it锛嶣its of photo fell, some managed to hit their target, other bits fluttered twisting and turning like those helicopter seeds I played with as a child, on to the bedroom floor锛嶪 closed my eyes and didn't want to see any place names that may have landed upwards锛嶣y a process of elimination I could have been able to work out what the name waiting on the table was and the whole mission would have to be aborted again锛嶣ecause I'd already done this twice last night and both times I'd had to abort锛?/P>

銆銆 This morning I found the top of Neil's head with Manchester written on the back of it in between my toes锛嶪 took it as a sign and left it out of the teabag box list锛嶵he photo that Neil's head had come from had been one of the two of us on a tandem during a break to Holland锛嶹hen the photo had been whole you could see enjoyment over Neil's face, whilst my saddle锛峴ore pain couldn't help but show through锛嶪t was one of the many differences I should have realized we had from the start锛嶯eil always was an outdoors type of guy, always up for a spot of cycling, hiking or rock锛峜limbing锛?/P>

銆銆 I had tried so hard to join in with everything he enjoyed锛嶩e had wanted to sample orienteering and I just couldn't get to grips with that锛嶪 had to draw the line somewhere so I told him to go along on his own to join the local group that met every Thursday锛嶪 encouraged him that it would be good to have something for himself锛嶩e did锛嶩e had the wife of the instructor锛?/P>

銆銆 I found an aqua锛峜oloured thong hanging over the lampshade one day when I came in from work锛嶪t did not belong to me锛嶪 didn't do thongs锛嶪 couldn't cycle, hike and everything else Neil and I seemed to partake in, wearing a thong锛嶴o it could only have meant one of two things锛嶏紞Neil had at last found himself an indoor pastime, albeit a strange one, or else there was another woman锛嶪 left, Karen moved in锛嶪nto a life of greeny锛峠rey holidays锛?/P>

銆銆 I had always liked the beach and thought of Neil's ideal holiday as greeny锛峠rey锛嶪t didn't matter if the sun didn't shine while you were hiking in the Lake District锛嶏紞in fact, a light rain made it all the more exhilarating锛嶪 yearned for the bright blues, yellows and reds of a beach holiday, but just watching the world go by had never really been Neil's bag锛?/P>

銆銆 So I was a little surprised to get the postcard when it arrived锛嶪t showed the rear view of a very sun锛峵anned man, glistening with oil, standing on a perfect beach wearing only a golden thong锛嶩e had his hands on his hips锛嶪t had arrived two weeks ago and had read, 'Emma锛嶩ouse sold, money in bank锛嶩aving a great time here in Mallorca锛嶯eil锛嶱S Karen says Hello锛?No kisses锛?/P>

銆銆 The money was indeed in the bank锛嶪 had a substantial amount in my new single name bank account锛嶪 suppose one way that I could look upon my six years with Neil was as a kind of complicated saving scheme锛?/P>

銆銆 I had just let Neil take over absolutely everything when we got married, he even decided whereabouts we should live锛嶪 wanted old and run down, he wanted new, purpose锛峛uilt and convenient锛?/P>

銆銆 I had no emotional attachment to our little starter home and no qualms when I had left the house锛嶬aren and Neil had waved me off from the doorway锛嶪 realised as I looked at them waving that I had very little emotional attachment to Neil really, so I'm not sad or sorry for myself, just a little lacking in direction锛嶪 savoured my third slice of burnt toast锛嶏紞with jam锛嶏紞and pushed the tiny segment of photo around and around the table with my buttery finger锛?/P>

銆銆 Whatever the name place written on the back of this photo锛峠raph was where I would be heading this time tomorrow锛嶪'd just wash this plate up first锛嶵here was still plenty of time锛?BR>