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关注儿童问题 More Concern for Children Issue

2013-09-07 01:04                         Suppose Fudan is to choose the hottest newsmakers through public appraisal of the past year, two prodigies, Man Zhou and Han Han, will certainly stand beside the celebrities in scientific domain. Still being controversy, however, their appearances in prestigious Fudan challenge the conventional attitudes toward children cultivation.        These two fortune＇s favorites exemplify some talents who successfully make their own decisions and achieve preliminary accomplishments.
                    There is no skepticism that our society is experiencing a profound reformation. As most sociologists indicate, children are a more sensitive and particular group that deserves intensive attention. People readily witness the construction development while the distinct shifts that children confront are neglected. Decades ago, people usually need not, or to some extent, could not make their own decisions because the so called "Screw Spirit" was adrotated greatly. One has no choice but to conform and adjust to the arrangement. Compared to their predecessors, present freedom and choices are more readily available to children. Almost everything        ranging from education to career, religion to marriage        is up to one＇s own wills. As a consequence, more emphasis should be attached to cultivating children＇s ability to make their own decisions independently. In this way they will adjust
better future＇s fierce competitions.
                    Given that children should be entitled to make decisions,there emerges another problem        how to make them efficiently.Creativity and talent of children are not new. It is just that their personalities and characteristics are becoming more pronounced.Unfortunately, it frequently happens that one born to be movie star who may probably win Oscar Award someday is excluded in a drama club in school;an innate business elite is dismissed only in the name of violating the rules by selling Christmas cards on campus; a more universal story is that the vast majority of children are merely ordinary people whose requests refer to leading a pacific life. How can parents or teachers impose their values of becoming someone on a child whose propensity is devouring a bestseller during spare time and going to movies with his or her spouse on weekends and refusing to working on additional hours in the unreasonable excuse of a boss. Although one is supposed to exert his utmost in some field, he also possesses the right to choose his or her own life style.
                    The intricacy of children issue lies not only in the lack of decision making opportunities, but also in being overlooked their essence        children, meaning naive and credulous.        It grieves us that the rate of adolescent crimes has been spiraling continuously. The number of teenagers involved in illegal sex, violent hooliganism and drug abuse is still shockingly spiraling. Some people often boast that the new generation are the best one ever before, but few of them are aware of the tough situation.        We should not be overoptimistic and it is high time we took some substantial actions to cope with it. It is not lawmakers＇ job, but the entire society＇s responsibility.
                    The ongoing debate concerning children will remain an eter
nal topic and we must call on more concerns toward them. It is generally accepted that the children nowadays determine future rivals among countries.        Consequently, it is worth our enthusiasm and wisdom to resolve this problem.

简        评
                本文开头比较新颖，不落俗套，从备受争议的少年作家韩寒为例子谈起，顺理成章地引出讨论的话题，显示了作者娴熟的写作技巧。
                作者的语言功底较好，词汇量比较丰富，在文中使用了许多大词，如elite，propensity，pacific等，给读者留下了深刻的印象。作者也大胆地尝试了较为复杂的句式和被动语态，使文体显得更为庄重严肃。当然，在大词和复杂句式的使用中难免存在少量这样那样的小毛病，如We should not be overoptimistic andit is high time we took some substantialactions tO cope with it.这一句最好拆开成为独立的两句话，而不必为了延长句式而拼凑在一起。断句是中国英语学习者的一大常见问题。最常见的情况是，要么把两个独立的意群通过逗号连成一句，要么使用and将两者绑在一起，这些都是不符合英语的表达习惯的，值得广大同学注意。 （转载自http://www.ＮＳＥＡＣ.com中国科教评价网）
                本文结构清晰，语言流畅，被动语态、虚拟语气、定语从句等结构手段的使用都显示了作者扎实的语法功底。本文稍欠之处在于作者的观点不够明晰，尤其是第三段有冲淡主题之嫌。从文章的标题来看，作者的观点似乎只是呼吁对儿童的成长问题给予更多关心，而这样的立论容易流于空泛，因而不易把握，殊为可惜。