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喜悦之情:当我病了的时候-When I Was Ill

2014-05-29 01:11 当我病了的时候
【内容提示】
你因某种疾病在医院住了几天。在病床上，除了受着病的折磨你还觉得非常孤寂，十分想念老师和同学。病情稍一好转你就要求出院。你刚回到家正准备复习功课时有人敲门。你开门一看，来的是班主任老师和几个同学。这时你的心情十分激动，见到了好几天不见的同学、老师的那种喜悦之情真是用言语无法描述。
【作文示范】
When I Was Ill
Five days ago, I had a terrible headache and ran a high temperature. The doctor told me to stay in hospital. These days I was very lonely, I stayed in the sick bed and looked at the white ward ① quietly every day. I couldn＇t help thinking of my teachers and classmates.
When I felt a little better, I wanted to leave hospital at once. One afternoon the doctor agreed that I could leave. It meant I would see my friends again next day! On my way home, I found the air outside was nice and fresh.
As soon as I arrived at home, I was busy going over my lessons. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. “Who is it?” I thought. When I opened the door I shouted,“Jiang Min!”She was my best friend. Behind her were my head teacher Mr. Hu and some of my classmates. “Come in!”I said with a big smile. How surprised and happy I was! One of them said, “You were ill in hospital, weren＇t you? We were sorry to hear that.” Another one smiled, saying, “We went to the hospital just now, but you had already gone.” Mr. Hu said, “We all hope you will get well soon. Welcome back to school.” I was so excited that I didn＇t know what to say or what to do. I only said, “Thank you for coming to see me. Thanks a lot.”They  also asked about my illness and told me to have a good rest and not to worry about the lessons. Then they said good-bye to me.
I looked at the food they had brought to me.“How kind they are!”I said to myself, “I must make up for ② the lessons I missed. I will try my best and study harder.”

本文来自中国科教评价网

【词语解释】
①ward [w&:d] n. 病房
②make up for  弥补
【写法指要】
按理说，人病了应该是一件悲伤的事，但是本文作者选择的题材恰恰是从其反面切入，写的是喜悦的心情。这是作者选材的成功之处。文章用了渐进（climax）的宏观修辞手法，使喜悦心情由低潮逐渐达到高潮，这点可以从几处的选词和手法看得出来：nice and fresh（第二段）→surprised and happy（第三段前半部分）→so excited（第三段后面）→How kind they are!（结尾段）。这真可谓匠心独运的手笔！